A Sister in Two Minds – What Should She Do?

I have been living in the UK for 15 years with my fiance, the man I traveled to London with. During this time, I have completed my nursing degree, bought my own home, and I am now furthering my education to advance my career in medicine.

Recently, I have grown extremely close to a senior consultant at work. He has approached me several times about starting a relationship. Meanwhile, my fiancé has not progressed during the years we’ve been together. He does not stimulate me mentally, and our communication has become strained. We are on different paths now, and we think differently.

We have no children, but our families back home are very close. We have plans to return to Africa and settle there, but I feel he is focused on going back only because he has not built anything meaningful in the UK.

I know that if I were with the senior consultant, my life would be more progressive. We are both educated, ambitious, and capable of affording the best in life. I am torn. What should I do?

KKD Respond

Kwasi Kyei Darkwah (KKD), Ghanaian cultural icon and life commentator

Dear Sister in Two Minds,

You sound like a determined woman who has embraced the opportunities life has placed before you. When God blesses us, we are called to share those blessings with those who have journeyed with us, as well as those in need.

In your letter, you do not mention infidelity or wrongdoing on the part of your partner of 15 years. You have grown, and that is admirable. But to assume that your success automatically means his failure — and that a consultant suddenly becomes more attractive because of his status — should give you pause if you wish to remain faithful and dignified.

If professional status is the measure, then why stop at a consultant? Why not the Surgeon General of the United States or the UK? They rank even higher and could, by your logic, “make your life perfect.”

Relationships today are very different from those of 50 years ago. Women now have access to the same education and opportunities once reserved for men, and I celebrate that. Many women earn more than the men in their households. Many men cook, clean, and care for children better than their partners. The world is changing — and for the better.

But sometimes, our better judgment is clouded by the excitement of someone new. We forget that the new becomes old too.

What truly binds people in lasting relationships is not money, status, or titles. If that were the case, the world’s richest individuals would be the most sought‑after partners. Yet we know this is not so.

You have not described any harmful behaviour from your fiancé. You simply state that you have progressed more than he has. But consider this: if the roles were reversed — if he were the one progressing — would his success not also be yours, given the life you have shared for 15 years?

Some people marry for “better or best,” but the vows actually say for better or for worse.

There is goodness in you. The way you speak of the closeness between your families shows that. Now is the time for an honest conversation with your partner. Share how you feel. Discuss how you can grow together. Explore how you can support each other as life partners. A problem shared is a problem halved.

The Fantis have a saying: “A por a por wo na” — If you are polished, polish your mother. In the same way, partners are meant to polish each other.

But be warned: those who only want to be partners when things are smooth — health‑wise and wealth‑wise — must expect the same treatment from whoever they choose next.

The golden rule in Matthew 7:12 does not say, “He who has the gold makes the rules.” It says:
“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Love is not a game of convenience. It is a commitment — one that requires honesty, patience, and the courage to grow together.

Emma Harding