Assessing how long a relationship will last is never an exact science, but there are certain principles that can offer meaningful clues. Whether you’re in the early stages of a whirlwind romance or building something deeper, these three signs can help you understand whether your love has the potential to stand the test of time.

1. How Your Partner Sees You

Attractiveness, trustworthiness, warmth, vitality, and status all play a role in how partners perceive one another. Interestingly, research shows that in healthy, long‑lasting relationships, people tend to see their partners more positively than their partners see themselves.

For example, you may rate your attractiveness as a 5, while your partner sees you as a 7 or 8. This positive bias is not delusion — it’s a sign of emotional investment, admiration, and genuine affection. When someone consistently sees the best in you, it strengthens the bond and supports long‑term stability.

2. How Similar You Are

We often hear that “opposites attract,” and while that can be true in the beginning, long‑term relationships tend to thrive on shared values and compatible worldviews.

Differences can add excitement, but extreme differences — especially in areas like religion, family values, or financial habits — can create friction over time. For instance, a narcissist may initially be drawn to a highly empathetic partner, or a shy person may be attracted to someone outgoing. These pairings can complement each other at first, but if the gap is too wide, the relationship may struggle to sustain itself.

Similarity doesn’t mean sameness — it means alignment in the areas that matter most.

3. Whether You Share a Similar “Mate Value”

“Mate value” refers to the qualities that make someone desirable as a partner. It’s subjective, fluid, and influenced by many factors — personality, ambition, lifestyle, emotional intelligence, and more. Research suggests that people tend to form lasting relationships with partners who have a similar mate value.

Problems often arise when there is a significant mismatch. This can trigger a phenomenon known as mate poaching anxiety — the fear that a higher‑value partner may be “stolen” by someone else.

Imagine a man with a regular 9‑to‑5 job in Abuja dating a high‑profile Nollywood star like Genevieve Nnaji. Even if the relationship is loving, he may feel insecure or fear losing her to someone “more suitable.” That anxiety can lead to controlling behaviour, withdrawal, or emotional instability — all of which can undermine the relationship.

When partners feel equally valued and secure, love has room to grow.

Strong relationships aren’t built on perfection — they’re built on awareness, compatibility, and emotional security. Understanding these principles can help you nurture a love that not only survives, but thrives.

Fiona Lewis